The Root of Your Unhappiness: Irrational Thoughts

It has always fascinated me that two people can go through the exact same experience and have two totally different reactions.  Here's a simple example:

A person gets cut off in traffic and proceeds to honk their horn and call the person names, while another person responds by simply tapping their breaks and just continuing on.

Which person do you think is happier in life?  Well, as someone who has been both of those people, I will testify that the person who is the happiest is the later. 

What if I told you that every negative feeling you have is the result of an irrational thought?  In other words, your distorted thoughts are at the base of all your negative feelings.  Ok hold on before you stop reading and let me explain!  This concept has changed my life and I really want to help you be a happier version of you!  I never knew that I was trapping myself in an emotional prison because my way of thinking was distorted.  By questioning the validity of my thoughts, I have gotten better at changing my emotions into positive ones.  To prove my point, let me first give you some real life irrational thought examples I have experienced.

Event: Today my children watched two movies.
Irrational thoughts:  I am a bad mother.  I should have read to them more or done a craft.  I never have energy to be the mother I want to be.
Mood/Feeling:  Ashamed, discontent, worthless

Event:  My husband gets home from work.
Irrational thoughts: My work load should now be cut in half.  My life should suddenly be easy and happy.  I did not put much thought into dinner; I am such a disappointment.
Mood/Feeling:  Irritable, grumpy, stressed

Event:  I take my children to the park to play.
Irrational thoughts:  I cannot let any of my three children out of my sight.  I cannot put my one year old down or else he will get bit by fire ants.  That woman looked at me and is wondering when I showered last or if I am homeless.
Mood/Feeling: Overwhelmed, anxious, embarrassed

Event: I share my irrational thoughts for the world to read on this blog.
Irrational thoughts:  People are going to think I am stupid.  I probably won't help anyone.
Mood/Feeling: Restless, Uncomfortable, Insecure

Do you see how my irrational thinking affects my mood?  If I am experiencing an emotion that weighs me down, I go to the root of the problem.  I look at my thoughts.  I say to myself, "I am feeling (insert negative mood).  What is my internal dialogue that is making me feel this way?"  It has helped me to write them down. Once I write them down, I can often see how I have been distorting reality.

Let's think about the example of the person who gets cut off in traffic.  Instead of thinking the person is a jerk like I used to, I replace those thoughts with more rational ones like "I have made traffic mistakes too.  Nobody is perfect.  I am glad no harm was caused by this."  By thinking this way I save myself from a bout of high blood pressure and anger.

Or let's think of the example where I thought I was a bad mom.  This negative thought happens daily for me.  I lift myself up by thinking, "There is no such thing as a perfect mother.  I am not an all bad mother.  I have fed my kids, I prayed with them, I hugged and kissed them. . ."  This way of thinking helps me feel more satisfied and peaceful.  Do you see how feelings are a reflection of what you are thinking?

As a mom, or even just as a person living on this earth in general, there are times that I do not have the energy or "mind stamina", as I like to call it, to stop and analyze my irrational thoughts when I feel negatively.  I let myself be ok with that.  Usually after sleeping on my feelings I am ready to combat my irrational thoughts in the morning.

I have obviously just brushed over the tip of the iceberg here.  After all, feelings are strong and very convincing.  If you would like coaching on how to counteract irrational thoughts and any type of negative emotion, I highly recommend this book.  It has changed my life for the better and was literally an answer to my prayers.  By recognizing and replacing my irrational thoughts, I have become a happier version of me!  Just ask my family ;) And just read the book reviews!!

**I do want to make a note that this book also covers the helpful topic of "genuine sadness" that is not related to distorted thinking.